Advice for a new mom: It’s okay to be a bad mom, you are not enough. There are so many opinions and judgements in the world of motherhood it’s truly unfortunate. Everyday day we, as mothers, strive to do our best when in all reality we don’t know what the heck we are doing! So that led me to writing this post. I decided I needed to sit down and really think about the advice I really wish I got to get me through the transition of being a new mom.
First off, you are not enough… as a new mom.
I am not enough for my children. As you read that you are probably thinking what the heck is wrong with this girl. I don’t blame you!
Now that I have two children I can look back and say the transition from 0-1 was much harder than 1-2 ( my opinion from personal experience). But 0-1 wasn’t the hardest just because I went from having minimal responsibilities to million. Mostly because the advice I received was misleading.
” You are doing your best, you are enough.” This was the most common phrase I heard my whole first year as a mother. And while it had the best intentions behind it was the most toxic thing for me to indulge in. Yes, even now, I am doing my best. But that doesn’t mean I stop there. So many moms do and they get stuck in that cycle of ” I am enough”. Although it is all meant with meaningful intentions it can damage our growth.
What growth? You may ask. The growth that comes with pushing your limits( in a healthy way). Evaluating yourself and asking yourself ,”have I learned what I need to learn this hard day?” Or even taking on new skills that you never learned that you would like teach to your children in the future.
This can be extremely overwhelming but thats the point. We are human and we cannot do it all, but we can push ourselves out our comfort zones so our children can watch and learn how to function in the real world.
Our children will find more comfort in watching our struggles whether thats marriage, money, motivation. They will be able to see that mom and dad are not perfect which allows them not to carry the resentments that will hold them back. They will grow up to know that the struggles are normal and we cannot do it all. We are not enough and that is more than okay. We just can not dwell in just doing our “best”.
Since you are not enough be a bad mom…
Be a bad mom. Yeah I said it. But my meaning is most likely the meaning you might like to hear. Like most things I have to remind my self to get to a goal I need to check prioritize the baby steps that will lead me there. Consistency and inconvience is key when moving into the direction you have as an ultimate goal.
One example from a parenting perspective is screen time! Do you want your child to have little screen time? I know I do but how do I get there? How do I balance a moment of wanting to have 2 minutes alone without going the easiest route to get there?
I for one, using screen time as an example, would go straight to the remote for a gratification of having one second to warm up my coffee and take a sip. Though that is definitely not going to damage your child it is ruining your goal of a screen free home. You get what I am saying?
Motivations that Carry your Boundaries
That being said since we cannot do it all, pick the one thing you are okay being a bad mom with. But don’t stop there, create boundaries. Like everything in life moderation is key. For some that may be easy for others not so much. Boundaries are one of the hardest things to stand by but once you can acknowledge the positive outcome is ends up being the best. As mothers, parents, we are doing our best and just because another mother does something different does not mean you have to follow. Do what is best for your family in order to GROW for yourself and them.
Boundaries and the importance of them is the one piece of advice for a new mom I would highly recommend.
Love is the best advice a new mom could receive..
Motherhood is the hardest job of all time. Mothers sacrifice their children to this insane world knowing bad things can happen. Read that again. Does that sound a bit familiar? (If so leave a comment below.)
This is the most important job that takes strength that we alone cannot possess. Yet, in everything we do as caretaker we need to do with love.
Your toddler is hitting you or screaming because they want their way? Approach with love.
Your husband is at you again about the house being a mess even though you have cooked, fed, rocked, and clean up after your child(ren) . Approach him with love.
The world is stealing the freedoms you didn’t realize where so precious to maintain. Approach with love.
With love, no matter how hard the burden may feel, you can become force to be reckon with. In addition, love is a skill. Patience is a skill. Faith is a skill. Remember you are not enough, it’s okay to be a bad mom, because at the end of that day consistency, inconvenience, and love are the things your children will remember. They will remember how you didn’t try to prevent them, but how your approached them no matter how burdensome it could have been.
This is one major piece of advice a new mom would love to receive. I can guarantee it. Because mothers are meant to love.
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